I recently read an article by Corey Levitan on the Men’s Health website in which the author theorizes that finding love is, for the most part, out of your control.
Finding and connecting with someone who turns out to be right for you is often a chance occurrence. But there are some things to remember that can make a difference.
As Levitan illustrates, attractiveness is very important for men especially, but is also a primary filter for many women. I suggest that when you meet a new person, look for some substance, not just appearance. While good looks may make your heart pound and knees tremble, it won’t last forever, and even after a short while personality and behaviors are going to be much more important. If he eats with his mouth open, or she never picks up her clothes, you may end up feeling utter disgust and looks don’t make up for irritating behavior.
Caring about appearance at the start of relationship has a biological justification. Attraction gets those love juices to flow much more readily, and you’ll probably be more open and flexible in the beginning of your relationship. Those are good things. Oxytocin is key. This isthe bonding and snuggling hormone, and the more we release the better we feel. Read more about how hormones play into the attraction, dating, and mating phases here.
Levitan suggests taking some risks and doing some things differently from what is normal for you to increase opportunities to meet people. If you always go out with friends on the same night to the same bar, and you never meet “The One,” maybe it’s time for a change. I recommend picking something that’s outside your comfort zone just a little. You don’t have to jump out of a plane or try scuba diving if you’ve never done it, but don’t just switch to another bar.
Try signing up for a class somewhere – maybe something techie if that’s different for you, or heading out to work at a soup kitchen to feed the homeless for an evening. There are two benefits to this: It will put you in an entirely different location, and you never know who you might meet. But even more important, you will be doing something new, learning about something new, and hopefully it will be something that interests you. You will feel a sense of accomplishment at the end of the evening whether you meet someone or not.
Why is this important? For several reasons. One is that you may discover a new interest, which can broaden your horizons and make you a more interesting person. You may master a new skill that allows for additional work or leisure time opportunities. You may meet a new friend, and we all need more friends. And most importantly, you will raise your self-esteem by doing something you can feel proud of.
Nothing is sexier and more attractive than a confident, interesting man or woman!