Is It All About The Tie?

Fifty Shades of Grey hit the movie-going public like a tornado last month.  Even though there was some optimism that opening weekend would go well (based on the over one hundred million books sold worldwide) no one in the movie industry was prepared for the over ninety-five million in box office the movie took in over Valentine’s Day weekend.

Why am I doing a blog about this?  Because as a sex therapist, I am interested in what such an interest in a story about bondage means.  

2000px-BDSM_acronym.svgBDSM (Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission, Sadism, Masochism) are aspects of sexuality that have been around since our species figured out that two bodies together kept warmer than each one alone.  There has been much debate about whether Fifty Shades is about two people role-playing and having fun with sex and with full consent, or whether there is a darker side to this, one that is perhaps troubling to people worried about women’s safety and their rights.

Emma Green, the assistant managing editor of Atlantic.com writes that fantasy is both an escape from reality and an expression of a hidden desire.  She tells us that in culture, it both reflects who we are and shapes what we become.  

imgresViolence and sex walks a fine line …we need to be very careful not to let it spill over to a point where there is no control for both people.  Some guys get turned on by violence during sex, probably a throwback to the days when they had to grab their woman by the hair and drag her into the cave for sex.  Some women like it too, possibly enjoying letting go and feeling the strength of the man running the show.

As a therapist I believe that for people who enjoy this it is crucial to talk about it first.  Make sure BOTH people are really into it, and decide what is acceptable and when to stop.  

Sex is about vulnerability which means, especially for women, you need to be able to trust the man and know that you’re safe. Then you can make room for the openness that lets in intimacy and connection.  So go ahead, enjoy the tie, but don’t overdo it!

Quote of the day

“In trying to understand my attraction to sex, I’ve come to realize that in addition to control and paradoxically, lack of control, sex has given me tremendous power.” Sizzlethebook.com

Question

When you’re unhappy in bed with something you’re partner is doing or isn’t doing, how long does it take you to say something?

Quote of the Day

“You know what’s really, powerfully sexy? A sense of humor. A taste for adventure. A healthy glow. Hips to grab on to. Openness. Confidence. Humility. Apetite. Intuition. … Smart-ass comebacks. Presence. A quick wit. Dirty jokes told by an innocent-looking … Continue reading

New Year’s Eve

Well, here it is the last day of the year.  It seems that 2014 has flown by and I’ve hardly had time to experience it. I guess this is the time for New Year’s resolutions. I know for me I’d … Continue reading

Quote of the Day

“A woman has to live her life, or live to repent not having lived it.”  D.H. Lawrence, Lady Chatterley’s Lover

Motivational Monday – Health and Fitness

Clean out your medicine cabinet.  Read all the labels and see if you really need that stuff.  Lots of us have things that really aren’t good for us in there.  Try and get rid of as much as you can. … Continue reading

Lazy Sunday

Pick a movie you love and haven’t had time to see and make some healthy snacks and watch your movie.  If possible, (especially if you’re a female) pick one that will make you cry.  Crying is good for your skin, … Continue reading

Fun Fact Friday

According to Stephen Nissenbaum, author of Pulitzer Prize finalist, “The Battle for Christmas” (Vintage, 1997) the following was true. In England, under Oliver Cromwell, Christmas and other saints’ days were banned, and in New England it was illegal to celebrate … Continue reading

Happy Holidays

On this Christmas Day, I’d like to take a moment and thank all my followers who are coming along on this journey or blogging with me.  I’d also like to wish you all a truly Merry Christmas and Happy New … Continue reading